Here’s how a recent conversation with my BFF went:
Me: I’m getting dinner with the Newbie tonight after I happy hour with J. Depending on how I feel I might have the “state of the relationship” discussion
College BFF: Do you think asking the “what are we?” question insinuates that you want to be something? Or can it be asked just for clarity?
Me: I think most people would think it insinuates something so i’m going to approach it differently. I just need the clarity. I don’t need to be in a relationship, but I don’t want to be sharing him either.
College BFF: True true. Also, coming from you it makes sense that it’s for clarity. It’s no big secret that you like to know the state of things generally, know the plan, label things so you can put them in one of your mind boxes, etc.
So for all you out there, let me give you a brief rundown on this relationship with the Newbie. I’m not sure how brief I can make it, but I will try! We started dating March of last year, he jumped right into the budding relationship with two feet and I stepped back about 5 feet, slowly tiptoeing may way into his life. I just don’t move that quickly and am super hesitant when it comes to letting people into my life. I mean, why waste the time if they aren’t worth it?
We never had the “relationship” talk, but then we had our first falling out in August (side note: he thought I was cheating on him). He basically created a whole fantasy about me still sleeping with my Ex of all Exes, whom you’ll hear more about in later posts. Long story short, I was not, it took about a month of no talking and then we started hanging out again and officially coined each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. That lasted about a month, because when I confronted him that I felt like he wasn’t making me a priority (boyyyyy how the tides had changed), he agreed and we ended it again.
Another month later we start seeing each other again. Come December, right before my birthday he makes a point to say how we are just friends. Hmpf. I thought we were moving back into the direction of relationship. I guess I was wrong. One week later, he did the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for my birthday and then also gave me a Christmas gift. Nice…thanks “friend.” So about two more months go by of “friendship” and now we are back communicating regularly and seeing eachother about once a week. I’m happy with where we are right now, but there is still no clarity. I want to bring it up…I’m just a big ol’ wuss.