The Newbie and I have had numerous discussions within the past two months. We have hashed out several things that I have been holding onto for months (lots of months)! I just wanted to take this time to mention a couple of things that I had been holding in and never brought up with him.
1. The lack of planning- this has been an ongoing issue. It’s just not his style to plan things in advance and its not my style to be spontaneous. So we are both working on doing the opposite thing as a compromise. My way of being spontaneous is to ask the day of to see him and be prepared to spend the night with stuff for the next day in my car! It’s a step in the right direction…but I’m still “planning” it, he just doesn’t know it.
2. Not spending time with friends/family- he has started to do more stuff with my friends and has finally met both my Mom and Dad. It does bother me that he hasn’t really brought me around his family. He confided in me that he just isn’t that close with his Mom and doesn’t necessarily enjoy spending time with her so doesn’t want to bring me around that situation. He doesn’t see the rest of his family often.He knows it is important to me for him to spend time with my family/friends and vice versa so is going to start including me more and continue to spend more time with my friends/family.
It was definitely putting a strain on our relationship because I couldn’t be honest with him or myself. It made me grumpy and I was taking it out on him. At this point in my life, I’ve come to the realize there is no point in not bring the issues up….I urge everyone to start being honest with their feelings if they haven’t been. Have you held things in before and wish you hadn’t? I mean really…what good does that do for anyone????