With the New Year here, I think back upon my 2012 and realize I was in a similar place with the Newbie this time last year. We were talking, but “just friends.” The Newbie thought it would be good to just be friends after we had started talking again from our major breakup in September. And as just friends, he drove to NC and bought me Biscuitville for my birthday and an iPod for Christmas (way to send mixed signals dude).
Now we have called it off officially and I’m looking forward to the new year just as much as I was last year. To be able to start fresh and new beginnings, especially since those hopes didn’t really work out for me last New Years. So to 2013, I am officially free of all ties to my two ex-boyfriends and am ready to find mister right.
Growing up I never saw myself as having to get married and have kids. At this point though, I do want to get married (i’m still unsure about the whole kids thing). I want to come home to the same person every night. To know that person is there for me no matter what and to share in the good/bad/ugly. And even though I hate odd numbers, I have a feeling 2013 will be bringing me good fortunes!
When I was in Boston I met a boy. We clicked. It was an instant attraction, but with everything going on in my life our post Boston communication has faded. The wise words of our friend Ten have also been haunting me…why would you pursue something long distance? In the end you will most likely just get hurt and it will be hard to maintain something not living in the same city.
Now with single-hood officially upon me I wonder if I should reach back out to Boston Boy. I honestly think, if we lived in the same state and were both single, we would be dating by this point. So I ask you, should I start talking with him again? See if it is even a possibility?
Have I ever mentioned how much I love DC and all the great restaurants/bars it has to offer? We never run out of new places to try! This past week we headed to DC Pig, arriving about 5:30 to an empty bar. It was nice to get our pick of seats because the place began to fill up fast! The decor was casual and everyone in the joint seemed to have an accent.
The drink specials were decent and the food selection at the bar (while small) was unique and tasty! We tried the country ham and biscuits, chicken liver and pork belly with cheese, pickles and pickled egg. Definitely recommended if you want to try something a little different with a flare of old school refinery.
It’s finally happened! A former flame who now lives over 16,000 miles away is coming to visit. Oh boy. What does this mean for me? I’m excited! It’s going to be fun to see him again after so many years. I’m also nervous because, well it’s been several years since we last saw one another. There are many “what-ifs” and “could have beens” but mostly, elation that we’re finally at a place where we can see one another without hurt or awkward feelings (I hope!).
It’s been a tough road for us to finally get to a place where we both feel comfortable with our past, present and future. Of course, all this joy could go out the window the moment I see him too. Yikes!
Do we talk about the past? There are still many things that we left undone when we ended things, is it worth it to bring up? Is there a point? Or do we let the past lie and look ahead?
Also, what the heck do I do with him? Where should I take him? So many questions! I’m sure, I’ll be posting about this impending visit as we progress closer to D-day. Wish me luck!
I like to wallow. It only seems appropriate since I haven’t made any progress in my love life. Did I think it would be easy to just pick-up and move on? Nope. Did I think the Newbie was going to call me up and confess he made a huge mistake and wants to be with me? Nope. But damn, a girl can dream. I miss him a lot. And I miss the ex of all exes even too. Not having either of them in my life really makes me feel incomplete, but this is a growing experience and my path…yada, yada, yada. It doesn’t make it any easier.
Yes, I have been relying on my friends, family and work to keep me busy…but it’s those late nights or the minute you touchdown from a plane ride or the rush hour traffic that makes me wish I had him to call; just to see how his day went and tell him about mine. It’s hard thinking about someone constantly and not being able to pick up the phone to see how they are doing. I’m always wondering what progress is being made with his work or his new house or the potential new deal he was getting ready to sign. It is so hard not being a part of those moments and experiences anymore. I think that is what I’m missing the most, not being there to share in the ups and the downs of life.
And don’t you worry, I have a birthday coming up. So I am sure I will spend the next week or two thinking about where I am in my life and where I wish I was. Fun times…happy 26th to me!
PS: I know it’s for the best and will get easier…I just needed to have a little rant and get some things off my chest.
I am the absolute worst gift giver, at least for “Secret Santa” at work! I have been given the task of getting my friend and colleague a gift. You’d think it would be easier since I know this person very well, nope. It’s proving to be more difficult than getting a gift for someone I know only professionally.
The reason it’s more difficult–I actually know the person! I know what they like and don’t like and what they already have. For instance, I can’t get her anything silly because I know she doesn’t appreciate kitschy things like snow globes. She likes nice thinks like $100+ moisturizer. She isn’t shallow but definitely has more refined tastes than candy cane gifts. What to get her!?!
I settled on one silly present and a bunch of travel sized goodies from a make-up shop. Any suggestions on little things I can leave on her desk as weekly gifts?
It’s been a while since I have written and my road block hasn’t gotten totally cleared yet, but I do feel a bit more comfortable sharing where I am right now. I still haven’t spoken to the ex of all exes on the phone. When I think about calling him, I get teary eyed because I’m still hurt by the fact that he feels as though I betrayed him and essentially cannot be friends with me anymore since he loves me and wants to be with me. News to me! I honestly never wanted to hurt him, and am unsure if I’m so hurt because he is hurt or because I am sad he isn’t currently in my life. In all reality, it is probably a combination of both!
The Newbie and I have officially broken up. He agreed that he could not give me what I need in a relationship at this point…funny how that was the main reason we broke up way back when. I’m incredibly sad about not having him in my life right now. Of course he still wants to be friends and talk, but I know that isn’t going to be good for my moving on process. I won’t be able to get over him if we are still pretending to act like everything is normal between us. He still wants to exchange xmas gifts and give me my birthday gift….of course I want to see him and do these things as well….but it will also suck me back in and realize how much I miss him and still want to be with him.
It really sucks losing two of the most important people in your life within a month timeframe. I feel at a loss, but am leaning on my friends (new and old) + family to push me forward. The holiday season will be tough without them around, but there are so many exciting things planned for the next month that I am bound to be able to keep my mind off of things.