It’s been a while since I have written and my road block hasn’t gotten totally cleared yet, but I do feel a bit more comfortable sharing where I am right now. I still haven’t spoken to the ex of all exes on the phone. When I think about calling him, I get teary eyed because I’m still hurt by the fact that he feels as though I betrayed him and essentially cannot be friends with me anymore since he loves me and wants to be with me. News to me! I honestly never wanted to hurt him, and am unsure if I’m so hurt because he is hurt or because I am sad he isn’t currently in my life. In all reality, it is probably a combination of both!
The Newbie and I have officially broken up. He agreed that he could not give me what I need in a relationship at this point…funny how that was the main reason we broke up way back when. I’m incredibly sad about not having him in my life right now. Of course he still wants to be friends and talk, but I know that isn’t going to be good for my moving on process. I won’t be able to get over him if we are still pretending to act like everything is normal between us. He still wants to exchange xmas gifts and give me my birthday gift….of course I want to see him and do these things as well….but it will also suck me back in and realize how much I miss him and still want to be with him.
It really sucks losing two of the most important people in your life within a month timeframe. I feel at a loss, but am leaning on my friends (new and old) + family to push me forward. The holiday season will be tough without them around, but there are so many exciting things planned for the next month that I am bound to be able to keep my mind off of things.