When feelings make you nuts…

Just listen to some sappy songs, drink some wine, and sleep it off.  That’s my philosophy this weekend. After a weekend with my former boyfriend, I’m ready to bottle my feelings, literally.

I had not expected his visit to affect me as much as it has. Does that make me a cold-hearted meanie? According to my ex, I did give him the cold shoulder, one that he hadn’t quite earned yet if I’m honest.  I suppose since our last encounter, nearly three years ago, I was much more open and willing to try the world out. Well, 5 years in this city and having my heart broken, I’ve become less naive and little bit more cautious and that has clearly become evident to him as well.

He has and will always be the most patient person with me. I’m not an easy person to handle, I think Ray can attest to that but there are a handful of people who can understand or at least appreciate where you’re coming from. He is one of those people. Unfortunately, what he is willing to give to me, I no longer want right now.

My shock of feelings is surprising because I’ve realized what I thought I wanted or needed, isn’t what I want anymore. What I want is me. I want to explore and experience the world and life without someone holding me down. Girl wants to be free. Back up bros. (Unless you’re in a boyband or a prince, then holler.)

Cheers to finding well earned freedom and love,

J

 

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